I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
