High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Randomize
