Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
