i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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