So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
