I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
drinking out of a sandbucket again
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
