You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
