She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
