is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
