hotel room ftw
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
