4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
