Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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