why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
two words...techno handjob
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
