halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
