He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
