He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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