im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize