Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Randomize
