oh god the rape fog is back!
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
