I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
