forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
