Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Need sex. Gaining weight.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
