i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
