your room smells of hookers.
And success
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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