Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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