SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
