My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
