yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
