He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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