I think I died a long time ago.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
