If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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