Grow some girl-balls and come out already
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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