I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
