What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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