she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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