this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
