So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
