Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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