In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
