I will die if light touches me.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
