I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
