Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize