You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
