Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
