Your dad touched me again.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
