I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
