Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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