perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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