he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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