I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
