her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
