I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
