So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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