..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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