if i can run in heels then i can drive
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
