She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
MIDGETS
????
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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