I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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