I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
