how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
