I seem to have left my pride at pride
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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