3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
