He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
