how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
splinters make it hard to masturbate
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
