if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
