I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
We are all done wearing pants today
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
