and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize