sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
