I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
