My room smells like vodka and shame
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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