I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
