I'm jealous of your bromance
Can Purell be used as lube?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that š I went with "no"
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote āColleenās Dickāwith a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
