If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize