Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
