Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
