I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
