Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
