Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize