I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
