I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
