I cockslap morals
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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