Got a toothbrush?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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