my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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