Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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