You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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