I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
