It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
