I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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