so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
